The tortoise and the Hair

Kelly Lamarre once told me that if someone said I could not paint then by all means, paint! And I did. And then I stopped. I was really bad. But then I got to thinking if I can’t paint with a brush and paints, maybe I can paint with my words… and if I painted with my words, what kind of words would they be? Would they be Picasso’s? And would Picasso’s words be chaotic and strange?

Kyle G. just after his prostate exam
at the infirmary. 

As Jen B. was up in her cabin shopping for Hello Kitty items on ebay while watching a double hour of the Maury Povich show, I was walking down the I-95 heading to the Mess for the ever so coveted Chicken Finger night. I was meeting the two production singers Mavid M. and Janae L. and having worked all day, the walk along the I-95, the main crew thoroughfare, seemed quite long and I was moving at a tortoise's pace. Along the way I met up with Kyle G. A musician friend who’s bass playing has turned heads throughout the company. He can play a G Chord like no one’s business and currently he has decided to morph his appearance and body into the 1970’s version of Arnold Schwarzenegger with a mustache.  Whether you agree with it or not, it doesn’t matter. In Jen and mine eyes, he can do no wrong, plus he seems to think he has the bone structure to pull it off and it’s like my not so close friends from Glee sing “Don’t stop Believing”.

As Kyle and I turn off the I-95 into the mess we see hordes of crew at the Buffet known as the trough including Mavid.

“Hey Five finger Forehead (I affection-ally call Mavid that after Janae said he had an oversized forehead) grab a huge bowl of those fingers”

“Okay Nana, (He calls me Nana because my favourite singer is Nana Mouskouri) get the cutlery”

Just then Jen rang my ship phone.

“What’s going on? Where are you?”

“Dinner with Mavid and Kyle” (cue jealous rage)

“That’s ridiculous, why didn’t you call me?”

“I just got here, Janae just walked in. I’m saving you a seat, but I sit next to Mavid”

“Fine then, I’ll sit next to Kyle”

“Kyle is sitting with the Muso’s” (Affectionate term for Musician’s)

"You know what Calvyn, I thought we were friends, I want to sit next to a cute guy, I need to get laid"

Cue Eyeroll

Just then Janae walked in and it appeared looking a bit pissed off. She had just got word that the birthday gift she sent her niece did not arrive in time. As it may appear as not such a big deal, when you are on a ship month after month, the smallest thing can set you off if you are having an already irritating day. And having the satellite TV out all day could set anyone off.

I took this as an opportunity to try to make her feel better so as we were waiting for Jen, I was began to paint Janae and Mavid my worst birthday ever:

“I was five…or six or something and my father had hired a pony to give rides at my party…well these ponies are never in good condition… but this one dropped dead…it wasn’t much fun after that…one kid would sit on it while the rest of us would drag it around in a circle…daddy had to get his money’s worth.”

After dinner, I took my dishes to Putu the dishwasher and noticed Janae’s nose on the side of her face.

One Flew Over the Crows Nest

My friend Chris N. (left: in Honduras at the Monkey Santuary) once told me that wearing two pairs of sunglasses is always better then wearing one. As you can imagine, Chris N. no longer works for the Cruise line, however it wasn't because his insistance on wearing two pairs of sunglasses whilst stage managing the "multi million" dollar las vegas style shows would consistently result in a deflated cake dress during the finale. He no longer works on the ships becuase he has different goals for himself.

This situation albeit not new, brings up questions about my own career. I love working on the cruise ships, my motivation ten years ago when I was schnockered and dancing with old ladies in the Crows Nest is much different then it is now. Now I want to become A Cruise Director, and I have to say,  that it is extremely hard to do.

Doing the morning show with Jen B. my good friend and Cruise Director just confirmed that this is what I want. Being away from my family for so long is a definate unnattractive side effect of my career path, but having friends like Jen B. helps to make up for it.

Last night Jen B. and I were sipping on some wine, well she was drinking Perrier with lemon and I, a Michelob Ultra Light. We were preparing the morning show in her cabin, Dexter on the TV in the back ground when Budi her cabin steward came in. Budi wanted to let us know that there would be a cabin inspection in the morning. Being well rehearsed in this senario Jen and Budi raced around getting rid of all the contraban: Kettle, Hot plate, Unapproved duvet, unapproved rugs. lit cigarettes (she doesn't smoke, she uses them as incense) and before I knew it, I was waking up in the morning in Jen's bed five minute before the Live Morning Show, we threw back the covers and we both ran up the two decks to the recording room her fire red hair in my face. Nothing Prepared, nothing rehearsed. Frankly it is how I like to do the shows anyway, and knowing how Jen and I feed off each other I was not to worried. What did worry me though was that five minutes into the show I caught my self in the monitor and realized that my self bronzer which was over applied in the firstplace must now be partly on my pillow. I looked like an extremely tanned zebra! Leave it to Jen, the only british Muary Povich fan in the world, to bring it to the attention of all 3500 guests, or atleast the ten that were watching.

"Your Face is Ridiculous!"

"Well your face is ridiculous to" - alright not the best rebuttle, I was not on my game.

As the show went on, and laughter was shared, I realized how fortunate I am to be on this career path and although I lose good friends such as Chris N. (don't worry, we still talk on Facebook), I am hoping that one day, it will all be worth it.