I can be sensitive too

As Melody and I walked through the ship swanning* I realized that I was in no mood to talk to guests.

Juzzy is gone for two weeks and I miss her terribly. I also miss Mia who is wrapped up in Timmy the musician, whom I have been at odds with for some reason - It probably is in my head and Timmy will call me in my cabin to talk 'man to man' any time now.

Maybe he took a little offence to me calling him a garden gnome and Papa Smurf. Fair enough.  I have since stopped calling him that and refrained from calling him Willow, just in case and settled on just Timmy.

At any rate it has been a pretty lonely week so Melody and I have hung out a lot. We pull pranks on Big Daddy for instance, instead of heating his coffee to precisely 118 degrees, we only heat it up to 115 degrees and instead of 3 Splenda’s we put in two. Oh we laughed and laughed and laughed. Just yesterday we phoned the captain and pretended to be an Indian security officer asking him to report to the security office. Yeah, we got in a bit of hot water for that one but it was hilarious. We also bought a book of insults and used them on each other:

Here are some of our favourites:

Cancel my subscription, I cannot deal with your issues

Can I borrow your face ‘cause my ass is going on vacation

You must be what a relapse looks like

You’re such a smart ass, I bet you could sit on a carton of ice cream and tell what flavour it is.

Where’s you hear that-on a blog?

You’re dark and handsome. When it’s dark you’re handsome

Really? You “could care less”?

Ignorance can be cured. Stupid is forever

I don’t like you- and I always will

Baggage is one thing, steamer trunks are another.

As we delightfully overuse them with each other doubled over in laughter I feel fortunate to have Melody to laugh with. Tonight she is going to bring over Top Gun and we are going to wear our aviators and drink wine. This time she said I could play Maverick and she can play the sexy instructor.

*Swanning is walking down the promenade or any public deck waving at guests and nodding. 

Unicorns to the Rescue

Being awoken in the middle of the night by the familiar guttural noise of the engines stopping I darted out of bed attempting to see what was going on. As I put on my white crocs and threw on a slightly oversized sweater I opened my cabin door to see if there was anyone else who was vibrated awake when we should have been dreaming of unicorns wearing leather, playing in a rock band.

Looking down the corridor I spotted the matted blonde nest that was Kendall’s hair!

Whispering:

Me: Kendall

Kendall: What is that Cal?

Me: I’m not sure; it sounds like we’re stopping.

Just then the thinnest dancer poked her head out of her cabin

Chelsea: is it an iceberg?

Me: No, but if we’re sinking I’ll throw you a Cheerio.

As Kendall, Chelsea and I made our way out to Deck 4 where the Lifeboats are, crew were congregating and the familiar voice of our Leader, Big Daddy, was over the PA explaining what was happening and all of the sudden I got a feeling that we were not alone. I saw an intense beam of light from where, I do not know. Following it down into the cold Mediterranean waters I saw a powerless boat being thrashed by the waves.

Looking closely the Bridge shining his spotlight on this tiny vessel revealed a family onboard unwilling to leave their small craft behind. Our captain brilliantly positioned our ship perpendicular to the waves in order to help their boat with the crashing waves.

All in all it took four hours for the Spanish coast guard to come to the rescue of the family who was stranded off the coast of Marseilles; however Chelsea, Kendall, and I were long gone before that as we decided to ditch the excitement to go to the Pizza Bar to share a pie and a bottle of wine.

The next morning Juzzy, Mia and I went out for ‘coffee’ in Monaco and as we poured a second bottle of wine I tried to explain what happened just hours before.

Mia: Why didn’t we just tow their boat behind the ship?

Almost time for bed as I had not had a chance to get to bed since being woken up by the engines, I went down the guest services to collect letters that guests have written to Big Daddy when I saw him talking to a ‘little person’ who I found out later was complaining that Big Daddy called mini golf, midget golf by mistake. As the ‘little person’ left, I went up and asked John about it.

Me: What was that all about?

Big Daddy: He’s not happy.

Me: Which one is he then?

Being witty when I was so tired made me think that maybe I wasn’t as tired as I thought so I went down to Juzzy’s room with a bottle of Fragolina to drink; however sooner than later I was in a slumber in her bed tapping her with my foot to the beats of a Unicorn Rock Band.