I can’t be a Jewish Doctor, but I can marry one!

Jesus Christ once said to Honour thy Mother and thy Father; it was only when I returned to ships that I finally figured out what that really meant. I used to think that in order to honour my mom I had to be the most successful of all her friend’s children, and for years felt as if I failed her:  I’ve changed careers several times, I’m not in a committed relationship with a guy and planning a surrogate pregnancy with him and our friend ‘Lisa’ who spins hemp in the woods, considers knitting an extreme sport and sells beads waddled from organic bark, and to top it all off I drive a Kia Rio… alright, the last point is moot, but at any rate the energy spent feeling a sense of failure not living up to my mother’s dreams for me is pathetic and frankly embarrassing.

The embarrassing part is that the dreams I thought my mom had for me were not the dreams she had for me at all…well maybe they were when I was a baby and she was holding me in her arms, when she didn’t know me at all or what kind of person I’d become. I think now all she wants, all any parent wants is for their children to be happy and healthy. Sounds really cliché doesn’t it? And what does it mean? To be healthy and happy?  Ironically it sounds like a shallow and distant order. I’ll say that waking up every morning and taking the vitamins my mom suggested is a good start. To put forth my best effort when I am entertaining on stage, and listening to guests when they are telling me something about their lives. To be the best in my job than I can possibly be and to treat every single guest how I would expect someone in my position to treat my mom: like royalty... and to make her laugh. I love my mom's laugh.

Today, as I am stuck on board all day while everyone is out in Puerto Vallarta sipping on their light beer and fishbowl drinks, getting ready to march back to the ship with their god awful balloon hats, I couldn’t resist calling my mother just to tell her I love and miss her. 

People who are working in the shipboard cruise industry go months and months without seeing their parents. Married couples on board leaving their kids with their parents while they come and attempt to create a better life for their kids. It is quite a quagmire isn’t it? Creating a better life for their children by working away for months at a time and yet what kind of life is it growing up months and months without your parents. Through the eyes of a parent, perspective is very different than through the eyes of a child. How will those children honour the parents who “left them behind” with their grandparents? Will they understand that that they were never left behind because mom and dad always came back? Will they honour their parents when they get older by appreciating the sacrifices that their parents had made to give them an education, a home: a better life?

I will finish this blog with a random memory of my mom. Every September a few days before school she would be sitting down at the dining room table sorting out me and my two sisters school supplies and writing our names with a blue sharpie six times on every single item. Each Pencil (just once on them), ruler, each piece in my tin geometry set: I love you mom.  

Europe and... Detroit?!?!

As I crashed into my double bed interrupting the smooth ray of light that was streaming through my Porthole, I immediately went into dream land. I had woken up at 8am to get my activities in order for the day ahead, including sending reams of paper to the print shop and getting coffee for the cruise Director, the ship that I transferred to has the worst morale in the fleet and I can feel it in my bones. I can honestly say that I could not wait to cross the pond to Europe and get away from the Muppets on this ship.

As I was dreaming about Christmas at home and pondering Costco with my mom, I was woken with a phone call from Philipe, the CD telling me that the office in Miami wanted to talk to me right away. My first immediate thought was that I was being taken off the Europe start up team and being transferred to the oldest ship in the fleet with the worst Cruise Director, RB. Ugh I could not think of anything worse… well I could be staying on the ship I am on now.

As the phone rang, my boss, K, picked up and he immediately reassured me that I was still heading to Europe (I guess he has been witness to a few of my panic attacks) and that they had to get me off the ship that I am currently on in three days rather than in two weeks (uh…okay) and fly to Detroit, Michigan in order to train for… get ready for it… ZIP LINING… uh… hold the Twinkie… and a snack cake.  Oh yeah. The new cruise ship comes equipped with a 40 foot high rope jungle with a zip line and for five days in Detroit, I will be in training to get certified to run this amenity with a few of the start-up team mates.  Alright, so maybe I should not have eaten 20 pounds of emotion over the past year. I have an innate fear of heights. I mean when I went sky diving over Maui one year it was only because I had smoked the Ganja and had an incredibly good looking guy strapped to my back whose hair was brighter than the sun and flowed down to his shoulders like a shower of gold… anyway I digress… three years celibate folks… three years.

I don’t have to tell you that tonight in the gym I forwent the yoga and went right on the elliptical on the highest level and lip-synced to the Burlesque soundtrack for an hour followed by abs. It is a panic workout and not the best way to go about it, because a panic workout is one lacking in intention.  Oh well, as they say in Latin: C’est la vie.

Medical Emergency

Medical Emergencies are nothing new to cruising. People may be surprised to hear this, but there are several medical emergencies a month, some resulting in the ship changing course and heading to the closest port to disembark a guest.  In rare occasions, when time is not on the guests side, a helicopter is called such was the case three weeks ago.

Last night, about an hour after leaving our home port of Long Beach, we had to turn around in order to medically disembark a junior guest. I had the chance to see him and relieved to find him in a wheelchair (always better a wheelchair than a stretcher). As a result of this two and a half hour ordeal, we had to cancel the port of Cabo San Lucas which to the dismay of the crew caused quite a riot at the Pursers desk, even though we gave the credited the port charge as well as added an extra three hours of port time in our next port of call in Puerto Vallarta.

I understand the disappointment of the guests. I do. I get it. But when security has to be called to the desk because guests are screaming and wailing due to the itinerary change caused by a medical debark of a child no less, there is a visible crack in humanity. I mean, as my friend Takeisha would say “where the perspective is?”  When did we as a species become all about ourselves and what we can get out of the situation? When did our tolerance for others get thrown off the Port side of the ship?

The face that we have to spend another day at sea is definitely not the end of the world. What? Guests have to spend another day eating great food (save for the sodium), lounge by the pool, listen to fantastic music and see great entertainment? Oh sorry, my bad, maybe joining the ranks of the unemployment or being one of the families who are not fortunate to even spend one day at an amusement park, let alone a week on a cruise liner would be better?! I know that there are some guests onboard who have saved up over years to come on a cruise, but you know what? I would bet my Kia Rio that those are not the ones wasting their precious vacation time in line at the Purser’s Desk waiting for their turn to scream in the face of a stranger. 

Space Gypsies: Rhada & Gopal

     I dedicate today to a very wise couple, Rhada and Gopal, who affectionately call themselves Space Gypsies. They came into my life during what I now call my ground zero phase. Right after I got back from Mexico with the midget, I got a job working for an independent interior designer – a woman whose greatest quality was insincerity- and I couldn’t have been less happy if I tried. While on a consult one day, we went to this amazing house on the distinguished Point Grey Road. The instant I walked into their house a wave of calm washed over me and as I fell in friendship with Rhada and Gopal I started to feel my spirit mend.

As I was in Downward Dog today in the gym, I couldn’t help think of Gopal and Rhada. I miss them. Our last visit was much too short, and I am looking forward to seeing them again. Both Gopal and Rhada are swamis and have both practiced and lived a yoga lifestyle before I was even born.

Every day on the ship is never a repeat of the day before. My job is filled with organized chaos and it’s easy to lose intention. Today while I eat my Fruit Lunch and Chick Pea and my quinoa (keen-wah)   dinner in the Staff Mess on Deck 0, I will be consciously thinking of my friends who in their own way helped restore me with their stories and just simply liking me at a time I couldn’t like myself.  

My mom told me once that regret is a waste of time and that in order to move forward, I must forgive myself. Couple that with the space gypsies showing me that with every decision made no matter the consequences there are always new friendships waiting to be practiced and I can say that my downward dog is getting more peaceful every day.

Day 1 – Cabo with a chance of Europe

Being on a plane heading to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico with a plane chalk full of spring break vacationers is not my idea of a good time. The only thing that is missing is the ultra-tacky balloon hats that usually accompany guests coming back to the ship after spending time abusing their kidneys at Senor Frogs or Carlos and Charlie’s. Jen Baxter and I would sometimes go up behind the guests and pop their balloons with a very sharp pin. We would call it a pop and run.

I am doing a vessel transfer – moving from one ship to another within a few days of each other- but for how long I will be on this ship is still up in the air as I am being considered to go to Europe. Whether or not that will come to fruition is a whole other story. Going to Europe would be great as I would be on the start-up team for a brand new ship. What a continent to start going vegan!!!  

Speaking of vegan, I am on Day 1 of my 40 days. I woke up with a rediscovered feeling of Christmas morning… alright, that is a bit of an overstatement, but I am excited nonetheless. I went to Starbucks and had a Soy Latte. I saw lemon cake there. Now I have never been a sweet eater, but somehow it was calling my name.  It truly was… it sounded like a little squirrel. Well at least I thought it sounded like a squirrel. I never have heard a squirrel talk before. But it is the voice was how I imagined a squirrel to talk. A high pitch squeaky voice…  wait a minute, maybe it was my voice I was hearing. At any rate, I purchased the Lemon cake. I wasn’t going to eat it, but somehow, when I bought the lemon cake, I lost my want for it. Ahhh, a classic game of cat and mouse, much like my relationship with the midget.  So there it the cake sits, in my bag en route to Cabo and maybe on to Italy. I think I will keep it with me as a reminder of the day I discovered that I have an unhealthy relationship to lemon cake.

I have three intentions in my new Vegan Lifestyle.

Intention 1:

Days 1 -6              I would like to eat a super food diet – Foods that are earth foods, organic to the earth

Day 7                     I would like have, if I desire, some french fries (cooked in vegetable oil NOT in the same     fryer as meats) maybe some cabatta bread (no dairy in cabatta) and of course wine (vegan researched of course)  

Day 1-7                 drink 4 liters of water a day.

Intention 2:

Yoga practice 6 days a week

Intention 3:        Be present when I breathe

For me it’s not a matter of “Can I do this or not?” – that is a stupid question. The question is can I honour myself by creating room for intention.  As my not so close friend Barack Obama says, “yes [I] can”

Alright I have just ordered some wine from the flight attendant (I am starting with Day 7)

Ciao for now.

Vegan Schmegan and Mazizmuse|Home

Who ever said God Bless a Chickpea had obviously not eaten them for six weeks straight. Deciding to become  vegan while working on a cruise ship probably was not the smartest decision I have made in recent years. It wasn't the dumbest decision I have made either. Take quitting my job at a Vancouver Design Firm to Run off to Mexico with a midget for instance - not smart. But such is life and her many twists and turns; with respect to the decisions I made three years ago that led me back to the marine industry I whisper a Hallelujah that everything worked out for the best...eventually.

Still sailing the high seas once again, I have made a conscious decision to forgive myself and move on by bringing my heart mind and soul back into the present and become self aware and feel that joining the vegan movement will be just that. Now before people start thinking that I am joining the ranks of Charlie Sheen, I can assure you that I am still the guy who loves to sit and gossip like I did before, I still talk about Beavers and spread the word about Canada's national animal. I still prefer piping instead of flange around my pillow, and I still drink copious amounts of wine.

Why Vegan? Well Being 3 years celibate has really made me aware of how self centered I was. It has allowed me to respect myself and become a fabulous listener (even to the most inane stories - cue eyeroll). That being said, having the intention of being Vegan will help me nutritionally become a stronger and more vibrant human being. Now before all the Birkenstock wearing, tree hugging hippies get all excited about this, let me say that I am not going to learn to knit and I will NEVER buy corduroy pants from a thrift store or spin hemp in the woods.

I am committing myself to 40 days of "Veganism" and softly explore yoga (without LuLu Lemons!). On a ship it will be difficult, but I feel as if I am up for the challenge. As an old friend would say "Giddy-up!"

P.S.

As a side note I have to tell you about a great new home design line. It's called mazizmus|home. She is a Vancouver Designer and her pillows are ridiculously fantastic! http://www.etsy.com/shop/mazizmuse and has been featured on Style at Home online magazine!



I